If you have time to kill - it's getting on to the end of the workday, after all -

Teh Reech Kitteh

16 Now a d00d cames up to Jebus an ask, "Teacher, I does wat gud stuf so I can has eeturmal lyfs?"*

17 "Whai ju aks me abot whut goodz?" Jebus saied. "Der onlee Wun iz goodz. U wants 2 has lyfs, U obyz teh comandamanamenz."

18 "Whut comandamanamenz?" aks teh reech kitteh. Jebus saied, " 'No kilin doodz, no sexin owtsayd marege, no taksin cheezburgr from peepuls, no can tells lai,19 respeckz ur momz and daz,' an 'luvz ur naibors but not wif sexin.'"

20 "Did dat aredy, srsly. I can has eeturmal lyfs nao?"

21 Jebus den sais, "If u wan bee purfex, go, sel ur stufs an gevs ur cheezburgrs 2 teh pors, n den u can has invisible cheezburgr. Den cum, fowul meez."

22 Den reech mans went awai sadz, becuz he hadz many monys.

23 Den Jeezus sai to hiz desiplz, "Im teh srs, it teh sux 4 a rich kittn to go 2 teh Ceiling.24 Aiz tel yu geiz agin, it srsly moar easier 4 graet daen to fit in teh tiny cat cariur dan for fancey feast kitteh two go to teh Howse uf teh Ceiling Cat."\

25 Disipulz hearz, dey leik NO WAI!!1 HU B SAEVD DEN??

26 Jeezus lukee dem, sai, "Wif manz dis iz FAIL, but wif Ceiling Cat evrytingz lolcodable."

27 Petrz leik, "Weez lef ar stufs 2 folow u! Can has cheezburgr or cookie or wut?"

28 Jeezus dun sai 2 demz, "Ai tell u trewfs, @ teh restart, wen Sun of Kittehs sits on his kewl cat condo, u wil urselfs sit on twelv cat condoz, judgin teh twelv breedz uv Israel.29 An evrybudiez lef howsiz or brovrz or sisez or studz or queenz or kittnz or catbowlz 4 maek me cheezburgr will has awsum intrist raet on IOUz an wil has zombi-ness.30 But meny hu r kewl wil has teh suck, an meny hu iz teh suck wil has moar cheezburgrs.